tambralovesthomas

I'm So Perfect, I'm Falling Off the World I am wishing I could fall off the world. I believe it's better out there, beyond the stars, And I don't believe I asked you to help me stay. I am feeling a growing feeling, I believe it's called love~ happiness? I don't believe this is happening to me, Ruining my wish, my dream. I am wishing I might move away, I believe that if I just stay away, It might leave me be, And I don't believe it's happening to me. I am feeling a growing despair, I don't believe I'll ever achieve my goal. I believe it's perfect, and I think you know, There's no chance for me to be what I wish. I am wishing,

I'm sorry. I can feel this in my gut, this growing feeling of shame, and self-imposed blame. Sorrow for my innability. I wish I could help you, I wish I could say this was my fault. Everything I fuck up, I can fix. I can't fucking fix this. My heart is breaking, yours is obviously aching, why are my fucking hands shaking? I think I'm going to cry. I'm always thinking "What the hell? Why?!" I know I deserve to die, because even though I try, I can't be sorry enough, tough enough. Loving, helpful, useful enough, to help you. I want to help, I am sorry. I'm really really sorry. I'm so bad at helping. What the hell is w

A dissappointment in my eyes alone, I've come to far to stop this now. If I must I'll just eat bitter stone. I will attain perfect, I've just got to, you know. I know it won't fix me, You know I'm still scared. I know it's a wonder that You're there. I'm sorry, I'm lonely sometimes, I love you, I hate me. Why don't you hate me? I'm trying, perfect is just so far away. Fuck, I wish he hadn't cared to make me stay. I notice it all the time, how can you not? The thighs, the pooch, god it's fucking ugly. I'm trying so hard, you don't know how much I wish I was "hot". I love food, love the taste, love the feeling of full. I'

Damned Dreams It's so close, I can feel the sleep on my lids, I can feel it trying to claim my last minutes, trying to claim my mind, for its twisted dreams. Dreams that appear to rip, all along thier seams, The sickness and pain that they display must be the reason why I hide from thier malicious grip. I'm so tired, so sick, I just wish one night, that all that sickening fright, Might paralyze me, hypnotize me, use the chains and pains and endless shames, against me, kill me, for once and for all. I wish my malicious dreams, with thier splitting seams, would spill into real life, and just fuckin' kill me off. I'

My stomach twists, I ball up my fists,     It's quite obvious I'm angry.     Why would you do that?   Couldn't you see?!   It's all ruined now,   And it's all your fault,   You've screwed me over,   My life is over,   And it's all your fault.   I'm so angry with you,     What am I supposed to do? My stomach is gone, I curl up and cry, Why don't people see I feel so guilty? How could I mess that up, When it was so easy?! It's all ruined now, And it's all my fault. I've screwed you over, Your life is over, And it's all my fault. I feel so guilty, Is there any way I can help you?

Lightest of blues and greens, to the deepest of crushing, mind blowing depths. Full of the wonders, man has never seen, Was never meant to see. I want to swim there, with the giant squid, and the dolphins, the most beautiful of creatures, so unlike man, they are. And so far from him, down in the deep depths of crushing dark water. Flowing schools, fluttering their golden fins, mesmerize the onlookers, myself in the pack, the beauty i see, in the alieness of their flowing little minds, is only matched by the beauty of the deep seagreens and coral reds, and the color of the ocean. The color that touches everything, l

What the hell is wrong with me? I've got everything going for me. and I'm STILL jealous, of this girl that I don't even know. My emotions are saying "he should have been mine, i wanted him first!" "but he never did want me too," my logical side refutes, "he's hers because she's different, better, far better than me." And i accept that answer, even as my heart breaks. I hate myself for this, this sick jealousy, I have my love, He should have me. But he doesn't I can't figure out this side. i can't figure out why, i'm so drawn to him, I've been shut out, shot down, unwanted, for so many years, he never wanted me, never k

I love it when they break, I can finally say what i think. I don't have to worry about turning on a spout of "omg ur nt fat!!" and all that. I can just be me, I don't have to "try and make you see" things like i see them. I know it's an asshole move, I know I shouldn't be such a bitch, But you're my friend, You should have known all along, I'm no fun to be around, all your problems will seem to compound. I'm just not mentally sound. The sooner you break, the less time i have to take, being a bitch, an emo, depressing, and more. i am sorry i'm such an asshole to you though, cause i really do like you lots <3

Perfect Creature In My Little Corner Sitting here, under your blank stare, is so peaceful, so strange, My perfect creature in the corner. Walking around you, I've moved you out just a bit, I'm admiring the perfect curve, The perfect shape, then I'll move you back into your corner. Looking at you, I imagine, that you're looking back at me. Stop it, my mannequin in my corner. Perfect features, Empty "eyes" Generous curves, a waist like you've never eaten, My perfect creature, My mannequin, How can you come out from your corner? Moving around my room, prowling about, I'm scared now, can you see me? Please, just go back to y

Fix It. What's wrong with you, and why can't I make you all better? Well, duh, some things are just personal, he's got to work them out on his own. But, that means I have to wait, I have to worry, feel... sorry? You don't feel sorry, You just want him to make you happy. I do? Oh well, You all knew, I'm not the best to come to. Oh, they knew, but they still come to you, clever vixen           and they still help YOU.       -more like a bitch.- Oh, well, I'm sorry, Maybe they should get a clue? They should, but people never do. So, it might be that it's just you. Well damnit, I feel like I worry, But from what you, say that'

I met a girl once who told me I was pretty. I simply shook my head and laughed, then in a manner so as to not make her feel stupid for saying such a thing, I answered, "Oh, thank you so much! I think you're pretty to!" To where she commented, "Oh no! You're just being nice!" The thing is, she was indeed pretty, the kind of pretty that made you feel like a lucky idiot to even be looked at by her. This happened many times with many people of both gender. Boys who didn't think they were cute, girls who thought they were too fat. To me though, they were the most beautiful people in the world. There were many I fell in love with only to fin

The needle passed sixty without hesitation, much like the lack of hesitation in the man. The rain pounded on his windshield, at which point the wiper came at an attemt to keep the window clear and safe. Safe. The man grinned at the irony, the windshield wipers giving him an illusion of safety. His eyelids started to droop as the thousand or so downers set in. Still, he needed to watch the dial. He watched it pass seventy, fighting to stay awake. Fighting. His thoughts wandered briefly to the wife that had left him. The kids that had forgotten him. The life he was leaving behind. “what life?” he muttered, in a tone that surprised eve

Glass eyes Never breaking stare You grin as I become horrified You stare into my frozen eyes Your intricate dress Spattered with red An evil smirk upon your face As I fill with poison Your eyes say My heart will never change I created this mess And my screaming can’t faze I ran away Felt the chill upon my face In disgrace I dug a hole and screamed Don’t waste your touch You won’t feel me The cracked porcelain told me Told me to run Told me to run to the woods I asked please don’t do this I can’t do this I did it anyway I brought with me a 37mm Ran to the woods I disappeared into its depths A

Grace notes break into still air, Fingers press gingerly against cold keys and valves. Angelic voices of wood and brass illuminate a dimply lit hall. Trills and tremellos speak in overture, Behind the band a bass drum pounds like thunder. In the back of theater a woman blinks away joyous tears. An imginative child draws a picture in sound. Keys glimmer in the hot stage lights, Brass trumpets match the smiles of proud parents, The conductor waltzes in time, And a patter of Godly nature erupts from his wand. A grandfather hears a familiar melody, And cries as he finds his wife's voice in flute 16th runs Up Tempo. A storm brews abo

 I went outside today. The sky was clear and reminded me of innocence, of childhood. I grabbed some chalk, blue, green, pink and white. Green is my favorite color, so I used it to write my name. Bubble letters, with nothing but sidewalk in the middle. I wrote your name in blue, because you dont have a favorite color, and green and blue go good together. I wrote the word, LOVE at the end, in pink because something in this had to be clichè. My hands are covered in a filmy powder. I stare down at my work, my masterpiece, that is soemthing so simple a five year old could have done it. I realize solemnly that when it rains there will be nothi

It's funny how, you can smile and laugh, then the next second you're on a destructive path. It's funny how you crack a joke, and then the next second you tell me to choke. It's funny how you say you're fine, and then tonight, you crossed the line. It's funny how you act like nothing hurts, and then you cut yourself for all your worth. It's funny how you walk away, when all I've ever asked you to do is stay. It's funny how you say you love me, then the next moment you steer me away. It's funny, how hard I tried. Just to keep you alive. It's funny how you say I never helped. That my love for you, you never felt. But you know wha

I’m screaming, I’m crying And you turn and walk away I’m running Jumping through hoops Seeking your attention Your love Your… anything… Notice me? Know me? Want me? I’m alone… Surrounded by people, I’m worthless, I’m that ink stain You keep forgetting to wash away.

What Hurts the Most? I can take a few tears Every once in a while. I can stand the nightmares now. Staring out into the rain, Thinking of him Listening to his past- “That doesn't bother me.” The open flame Ignited by the pain Inside of me “It’s not so bad.” Tossing and turning In bed at night Holding his picture close Imagining him singing My lullaby Pretending to fall asleep In his arms Listening to his heart But when I wake up-it’s gone. “Do I care?” Lying on the bathroom floor Not paying attention To what’s on the other side Of the locked door, Wrapping my arms aroun

One day you'll be beautiful, Maybe blonde hair and eyes so colorful, You'll leave them all with jaws dropped, As you leave this place, never to be stopped. You said, Don't cry My ugly duckling. Because one day he'll notice, but You'll tell him he shouldn't've had his eyes so shut. By then you'll have all the boys kissing your feet, And every girl will know, that you can't be beat. You said, Don't be shy My ugly duckling. Because you're so stunning on the inside, And it's a shame you think you need to hide. You are so brilliant, there's nothing you couldn't do. But I had to ask, "If all you say is true, Then why Am I still an